"I've Never Told A Lie, And That Makes Me A Liar. I've Never Made A Bet, But We Gamble With Desire..."

I don't know, it seems like it's a lot to ask but yet I keep trying.
 
The thing is i was really happy for quite a while and then things kind of just ended up being screwed.
 
I just wish someone up there would let me be happy because for the first time in a long time things in my life were good and I so much to look forward to. But right at this precise moment I'm not sure about any of it.
 
I really hope things in my life go back to being as good as they were a few weeks ago, please?
 
***

I just read this:
 
"I've always been afraid of losing people I love. Sometimes I wonder, is there anyone out there afraid to lose me"
 
I guess I've kinda thought about it before but not very much. But right now I just sat here and thought about it and I really wander if those i'm afraid to lose are afraid to lose me.
 
:/

<3

I guess I've never really had much to actually fight for before so now it's a little difficult but I'm still here, standing, fighting and hoping it'll turn out okay.
 
Fingers crossed.

and hopefully, you'll start to believe it.
 
the past few days I've been thinking when did i become such a fucked up person, like when did i become a total fuck up.
 
i never used to be this person. and i don't like the person that i am now.
 
sure, no-one fell in love with the girl i was before, but will someone fall in love with the girl i am now?
 
my best friend told me i've changed for the better. that i've come out of my shell more and i've learned to just have fun.
 
i don't know. maybe i should just go with it but keep some of my old ways at the same time...
 
i'll be okay, i know it.

I'm a total fuck up.
Nothing can just be okay.
It fucking sucks!